When John Stewart tells you to get your pants on, you know he means business.
Yes I know, I’ve been away for quite some time but I assure you it has been for good reasons! I have however been itching to get back to doing more Friday Funny Pages! I’ve come across several new sources for some great comic book goofery and I am eager to start sharing them here once again. As for the specifics about what has been distracting me from my duties to Mindless Philosophy look for a post soon detailing the interweb diversions that have kept me away!
“Now we prepare! Prepare for war . . . . as we always have” With an orgy!
Hotchi motchi! Yes, let us prepare for war! This is how everyone should prepare for every war! I think there would be a lot fewer fatalities in all wars that follow such preparations. If you haven’t guessed by now this comes from a Wonder Woman comic, from which issue exactly, I’m not sure. It doesn’t really matter. I’m guessing this isn’t actually supposed to be portraying a lesbian gang bang, rather it’s supposed to be some sort of sporting wrestling practice. Honestly though, look at those two in the foreground, that doesn’t look like any wrestling moves I’ve ever seen.
This panel immediately brings up two thoughts: 1) How do Superman and Batman get anything done while this place exists. and 2) I really want to start a series that features Blue Beetle (Ted Kord) and Booster Gold dressing in drag in an attempt to gain access to the training grounds of the Amazons. An. Entire. Series. It would be fantastic. It would be like Bosom Buddies, but with superheroes.
Batman and Robin. There are countless homosexual innuendos that spring up surrounding this dynamic duo, everyone has heard them before. Sure it’s amusing, and some people prefer Batman without Robin because it prevents such awkward moments from cropping up in the comics. Personally I’m a big fan of a Batman with Robin, I like Batman to have that youthful counterpoint to his brooding aged pessimism. Generally Robin is a little more easy going and provides a bit of comic relief to the stark, grim nature of Batman. Of course that comparatively jovial tone can be over done, and when taken too far Robin becomes annoying. It all really depends on the writer, and which version of the Boy Wonder is being portrayed. Overall though I like to see the one two punch of Batman and Robin taking out a villain. The partnership creates the possibility for more complex story telling and allows the character of Batman to execute more dynamic crime fighting maneuvers.
Now, about this panel. I really don’t know what the hell is going on here, but this is one of the most awkward panels I have ever seen. I would like to thank David Tavolier for submitting today’s image. As soon as I saw it I knew it was perfect for Friday Funny Pages. There are several things that are disturbing about this. 1: Shirtless Robin. What was just going on here? 2: Batman in full gear. When you put Batman in his full costume in front of a shirtless boy it just gives off a creepy vibe. His costume ceases being a superhero disguise, and suddenly seems more like some kind of S&M suit. 3: Batman has “experience.” Hand on the shoulder, leaning in saying, “If you want to talk to someone who’s had experience in that area . . . ” Yikes! 4: Robin is peering into your soul. The Boy Wonder’s direct eye contact with the reader is unsettling. Is it perhaps a cry for help? 5: This image wasn’t questioned. I mean, come on! The artist drew this panel and didn’t think, Hmmmm this might come off wrong? I’m convinced they knew what they were drawing, they knew I needed a good Batman rape scene to go along with my Superman rape scene from a few weeks back. So thanks for that, and thanks for providing more fodder for the Batman/Robin gay joke extravaganza!
As you can clearly see today’s Friday Funny Pages comes to us from Action Comics #457 the cover of which apparently shows Superman about to commit some sort of unspeakable act. To be fair however there are some dialogue bubbles shown on the original cover (which have been blacked out here) that explain that this young boys dying wish was to know the secret identity of Superman, only to be extremely disappointed to find out he is just Clark Kent. Regardless, there could have been a less creepy way of portraying it on the cover.
This now infamous cover is already familiar to many comic book fans who have had a good chuckle over the years from this awkward, and slightly uncomfortable, depiction of the man of steel. About the only thing that could make this cover more disturbing would be to have Batman in the corner with a camera documenting the occasion.
Yikes. Too far? Perhaps. I think I’ll stop there and just let you soak in this lovely image of Superman on boy action! Enjoy!
So here it is the last in our Friday Funny Pages crossover series, but it is also the perfect time to kick off a Dr. Doom series! That’s right for the next couple of weeks Friday Funny Pages will spotlight everyone’s favorite tyrannical dictator of small eastern European countries, “Doctor” Victor VonDoom. Three cheers for Doom! (As mandated by Latverian state ordinance 616B: Three cheers are to be given in response to any public mention of the name Doom or VonDoom.)
This last of the panels from the Crossover Classics starts our Doomfest with a nice little confrontation between Doc Doom and Superman himself. This image comes from the second Superman/Spider-Man team up brought to us by Jim Shooter’s words, and John Buscema’s pen. There were of course also a bunch of other names attached to this DC/Marvel crossover, like Walt Simonson and Marv Wolfman. The plot revolves around a villain brainstorm between Parasite and Dr. Doom. Superman and Spider-Man remember one another from their previous encounter with Lex Luthor and Doc Ock, so they skip the usual hero standoff and subsequent battle and get right down to helping each other out. This panel shows Superman making a trip to the Latverian embassy in Washington D.C. in order to get a few answers from Dr. Doom about some recent suspicious activity. Of course Dr. Doom, the ever prepared evil mastermind is expecting the man of steel and has fortified his embassy with features to help nullify Superman’s powers, like lead-lined walls to counter his x-ray vision and kryptonite powered laser banks installed in his office. As we see in this image Doom really has Supes by the short hairs simply by reminding the man of steel that Doom is the legitimate ruler of Latveria, and by being within the Latverian embassy he has to follow his rule. As Dr. Doom so eloquently puts it later in the story “Pitiful fool! Your vaunted strength holds no terror for me! Your hands are shackled by your own naive morality!” A good wordy smack down from a haughty supervillain is often times more fun then an epic raging brawl.
Another fun little part about this crossover is that Peter Parker and Clark Kent take part in a newspaper exchange program of sorts and get to spend some time working at the other heroe’s place of employment. Peter has a few good moments at the Daily Planet working with the admirable Perry White and putting up with the douche bags who regularly taunt naive Clark Kent. Clark on the other hand has some great moments over at the Bugle dealing with the raging madness of J. Jonah Jameson who at first was excited at the prospect of a new star reporter but gradually gets more and more pissed with the borrowed Kent who mysteriously vanishes at random times throughout the day, and seems to be a bumbling goofball. That crossover within a crossover was a really nice touch, and gave the second Superman/Spider-Man installment a completely different feel.
Anywho, now it’s time to say farewell to the crossovers and give a snappy salute to the approaching Dr. Doom goodness that will be coming your way within the next couple weeks. Until then, stay holed up in your embassies, stock pile that kryptonite, and take a few lozenges to prepare your throat to yell “Curse you Richards!” over and over again, cause Doctor Doom is coming to town, and as usual he’ll be in a surly mood!
The next panel in our Friday Funny Pages crossover series is this one from Batman VS The Hulk! Written by Len Wein and drawn by Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez, this team-up might at first seem like an odd pairing, and perhaps it is, but this was actually one of the more interesting (and occasionally more strange) crossovers in the Crossover Classics collection.
This panel shows us how this Batman/Hulk feud got started, and like any good hero battle it was initiated by the malcontented actions of a sneaky villain type. Here we see the Joker playing his cards right, as always, and calmly explaining to the dimwitted Hulk why he and his thugs are attempting to “borrow” a powerful gamma powered laser, why it isn’t theft, and how the mean ol’ Batman is trying to get in his way. As we see in this panel the Joker calmly explains the situation to the Hulk, and to big jade jaws it seems to make sense. In the Hulk’s defense however the Joker kind of has a point. The Hulk finds himself in a new town, we all know he’s not the brightest hero on the Avengers, and he sees some type of kerfuffle going down. Then the smiling happy guy tells him that the brooding guy in the dark clothes is the bad guy, who would you believe? Clown man or scowl face? Hulk smash scowl face! And of course a fight ensues and as we’d expect there is a lot of property damage and Batman reveals his usual bevy of handy resources that he has to deal with such a powerful threat.
Those damn villains are always starting some shit! Last week you will remember that Doctor Octopus and Lex Luthor had joined forces against Spider-Man and Superman, this time it’s the Joker and obscure Hulk villain the Shaper of Worlds! There’s a crazy plot revolving around gamma guns used to strengthen the Shaper of Worlds and a double-cross from the Joker who simply wants to steal the Shaper’s cosmic powers and reality warping properties in order to humiliate and defeat Batman once and for all setting himself up as king of the world. In the end the heroes win the day of course but not before the Joker wields the incredible powers of the Shaper of Worlds making for some crazy, trippy fight scenes as the Joker bends reality to reflect his twisted psyche.
All in all I just like this panel because it is mildly amusing, and makes perfect sense with these characters, the Hulk tries his darndest to do the right thing but someone is always playing mind games with the big guy and getting him into trouble. Overall this was a decent crossover that wasn’t a completely stereotypical multi-publisher encounter. Next week get ready for more crossover action as two of Marvel and DC’s “teenage” hero teams mix it up!