Bonjour mon prouts!
So over the past year or so I realized that I simply wasn’t happy with the amount of writing I was doing at home, it simply wasn’t enough. So I decided to put some effort into writing during my work hours as well. So during my lunch breaks I’ve gotten into the habit of doing a few writing exercises to increase my output and experiment with different styles. Whether it’s some badly written poetry, a few paragraphs about random thoughts, or a short stream of consciousness story; I’ve tried to spend at least a few minutes of my break everyday writing something. If nothing else it at least helps stimulate my mind between the long bouts of cerebral drudgery that is my desk job. Now my pocket notebook is filled with pages of crazy nonsense, fragments of greatness, interesting concepts, and profound thoughts in need of expounding.
As I was looking through my notebook searching for ideas or topics for this very blog I came across one of these exercises I wrote which I had completely forgotten about. The concept for the writing was simple enough, I would sit down and begin writing the first thing that popped into my head and just go with it until my lunch break was over. So with nothing much else to share this week I present to you the results of that writing exercise:
There was a man who ordered a cheeseburger.
“No pickles.” He asked.
With a nod the cashier complied, punched in his order, rang him up, and the man paid with cash.
As the man stepped down to await his food another server pointed to the end of the counter and asked him to step down further and wait just around the corner.
With a shrug the man complied. His shoes squeaked as he walked.
Around the corner was a short narrow hallway. There the man waited for a moment, another moment, and longer. Soon he began to worry he would be forgotten. (But don’t we all worry about that?)
As his worry really started to mount a heavy looking utility door at the end of the hall slowly opened outward. From the doorway another server peaked out and looked at the man, waving him over.
“No pickles?” She asked in a whisper.
The man nodded reflexively.
“Follow me.” She told him.
Looking around the man slipped in behind the heavy looking utility door and followed the server in. He just really wanted a cheeseburger.
The room beyond was dark and soon completely so. The man lost sight of the woman he was following and began simply following the sounds of her steps through the murky space. The path through which she guided him was long and twisted and the man bumped into several walls and corners in the dark. (This must be a very large burger joint.)
Eventually the footsteps halted and in the silence the man stopped too.
As he stood there a single wood torch was lit in front of him and the small flame burned brightly in the recent total darkness.
“That is odd.” The man thought. With the scent of the burning flame harsh in his nostrils he stepped forward into the glow of the torch. There on the other side of the flame sat an enormous cheeseburger the size of a small garage.
“That is probably more odd.” The man concluded.
Which is when the cheeseburger opened its eyes. Three large human looking eyes inset atop the upper bun of the cheeseburger. Looking down at the man, the bun-eyes narrowed.
“No pickle?” The burger asked. It spoke with an invisible hinge, like a mouth with three lips. A lip of bun. A lip of burger meat. Followed by another lip of bun.
The man nodded. “Yes, that is correct. I ordered no pickle.”
And then the burger spoke again. The cheeseburger regaled the man with countless hidden secrets of reality. Occult knowledge which shapes out perceptions and which can alter the very fundamentals of existence.
The man listened wide-eyed and intently. His mind was like a balloon full of mayonnaise and about to burst. How long the cheeseburger spoke can not be accurately determined but when it finally finished speaking the chamber was filled with a deep silence the likes of which have not been experienced since the seconds before the Big Bang.
Slowly the man raised his hand and commented, “I just really want a cheeseburger.”
To which the giant cheeseburger closed its eyes and replied.
“You are the cheeseburger.”
The man looked down and it was true, he was a cheeseburger and as he realized this he saw the enormous tri-eyed cheeseburger slump forward, open it’s bun and burger mouth, and eat the man up in a single gulp. At that moment the man became the giant cheeseburger and the giant cheeseburger was him.
“Well this has been weird.” He thought to himself before he decided to leave the chamber.
With a heave and a thrust the gigantic cheeseburger exploded into the sky, through the planet’s atmosphere, and into the majesty of the stars beyond. For what else is there to do for a giant cheeseburger with an insight into everything but to take to the sky and wander the cosmos for the rest of eternity?
That is all!