Friday Funny Pages: Mighty Marvel Meatloaf Marching Band

 

I don’t know about you, but I love old ads from classic comics.  Me and several of my friends consider ourselves connoisseurs of fine advertisement cheesiness!  For my money the best ads can be found among the pages of comic books heralding from the 1970’s and early 1980’s.  A plethora of goodies can be found in those decades, from dynamic video game adverts to epic promotional toy campaigns!  All of them more outlandish than the last.  If you think about it comic book ads have to be crazy and eye-catching or how else do you expect to distract a reader away from super powered heroes doing battle with brightly colored villains long enough to even glimpse at your product.  Perhaps the most effective are the advertisements that incorporate the heroes of the comic company into the ads, momentarily tricking the readers into thinking the ad is just the continuation of the issue they are reading.

Like the legendary Hostess Fruit Pie ads in Marvel comics.  You’re flipping along reading your X-Men comic when suddenly Captain America bursts onto the scene, or Dr. Strange appears out of thin air.  Suddenly things just got interesting!  What are they doing in this X-Men comic?  And wait, is that Dr. Doom?  What’s behind him in that crate?  What’s going on??  Wait, what??  Fruit pies?  Captain America is rescuing a stolen shipment of Fruit Pies in my X-Men story?  Oh wait, Ha ha!  This is an ad!  Got me again Marvel!

Well here’s something else along those lines, except here you turn the page to find Meatloaf rocking out hard, while at the same time voicing his concerns about the funding and support of the 1987 Special Olympics.  A typical Wednesday for him.  But seriously, look at that first panel, ol’ Meatloaf is really giving it his all, and how the hell is he holding that guitar?

And here’s another question:  What era was Meatloaf popular in?  He’s one of those guys who always seemed eternally old to me.  It was like he was popular at some distant time, but had moved on.  I don’t really know anyone who is a hardcore Meatloaf fan, and trust me I know a lot of people with many varying musical interests and stemming from various musical eras.  I guess it’s because he’s been an actor for so long too, and to me it seems like any musician who turns to acting has passed their musical prime and gone on to other things.  I don’t know, Meatloaf is weird.

That is all!

Friday Funny Pages: Dazzler’s Daddy Issues

Oh hello there!  I’m being told that this post is late, that it isn’t actually Friday, and that I’ve really slacked quite a bit this week.  My apologies, earlier this week I was tapped to be the starter at a race between a Delorean and a phone booth and when those suckers took off I was caught up in their backwash.  The tachyon eddies that resulted created a temporal vortex which sucked me through time and space sending me on a whirlwind adventure through the ages.  So technically as I’m posting this it is indeed Friday, though to all of you individuals who are firmly grounded in the present it might appear that this is actually being posted on Saturday.  Sorry for the inconvenience.

Anyway, onto the comic book goodness!  Today’s panels come to us from way back in 1981 and Dazzler #2, with words by Tom DeFalco and art by the legendary John Romita Jr.  The cover of the issue reads “Last Stand In Discoland!”  and this is early on in the elaborate mythos of Dazzler, as the readers were still being introduced to her character.  As with most of Marvel’s heroes, young Allison Blaire, though she is a superhero she has her own real world hangups.  Here we discover that although Dazzler has mutant powers, is a rising pop star, a roller disco champ, a part-time superhero, and she’s friends with the X-Men, Spider-Man, and the Fantastic Four, she receives little satisfaction from these achievements because her father is a curmudgeon.  In the grand scheme of things she’s doing really well for a superhero.  At least her father isn’t dead, she’s not an alcoholic, she isn’t haunted by demons (either figuratively or literally), she’s not trapped in a world she never created, and she’s not some conflicted triple agent trying to do the right thing in a bad system.

So her father thinks she should drop the song and light show routine and get a real job?  Big deal.  In a few issues she’ll be fighting Galactus (Dazzler #10) and I’m sure he’ll totally forget all about the other stuff then!  Also as a mutant Dazzler has really lucked out.  She’s already dodged a bullet by not being one of those grotesque mutants whose mutation effects their outward appearance  AND  her mutant abilities (transmuting sound waves into patterns of visible light) work out perfectly with her chosen profession! She can easily display her powers without drawing the suspicion of bigoted normals.  Heck, with the plethora of X-Men movies on the horizon Dazzler could even find herself portrayed on the big screen one day!

I say Dazzler needs to buck up!  She’s really got the world by the balls, and in this post-feminism age there’s no reason she should feel guilty, or postpone her dreams because of some arcane impression that she needs some type of male approval for her choices.  Am I right ladies?

I have no idea what I’m talking about, perhaps that time rift has effected me more than I previously suspected . . . .

That is all!