Unsung Casualties Of Star Wars

     Oh hello there, welcome back.  I have finally returned with another, if not untimely, post!  I was out of commission there for a few days due to the aforementioned technical difficulties I was having with the ol’ computing machine, and as such I was not able to get this post up for the Memorial Day weekend as I had planned.  Better late than never right?

     Anywho, as you should know by now my all-time favorite movies are the Star Wars films, hell the name of my blog is derived from C-3PO’s dialogue from the movies.  I know the Star Wars saga inside and out, I have particularly great nostalgia for the original trilogy but I also appreciate the prequel trilogy and I certainly don’t offhandedly dismiss episodes I, II, and III as some others might.  As far as I’m concerned the two trilogies represent two very different eras and achievements in film making, not to mention two very different periods in one film makers career.  One thing that I think we can agree all six Star Wars movies do have are wars, after all it would be quite a deceptive title for a movie series without them.  As with any war or series of wars there are a great many heroes on both sides.  Star Wars is chock full of memorable characters who, due to their bravery, strength, tactics, or leadership have gone on to become cinematic legends.  We all know Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader.  Who could forget the Jedi generals and separatist commanders?  However those aren’t the folks I’m concerned about with this post, what about the other, lesser known heroes of Star Wars? Those soldiers who fought and died so that the better known big shots could continue the fight for the ideals and principles they believed in.  Those are the heroes I’d like to take a minute to remember, the unsung martyrs of the Star Wars saga.  Here are a few I think are worthy of mention:

Sometimes you get to pilot a fast ship, and sometimes you're dead.

NAME:  Tiree

HOME PLANET:  Corellia

RANK:  Pilot, point, Gold Squadron

CAMPAIGNS SERVED:  Corellia, Yavin

HOBBIES:  Making observations, painting, bird watching

PERSONAL INFO:  Tiree was a valued Y-Wing pilot set as point man for Gold Squadron over other more veteran members of the flight crew. Tiree flew during several skirmishes and was hand-picked to fly the Death Star mission. He was certified on both X-Wing and Y-Wing class fighters, though the Y-Wings are much slower, neither group really came out well from that battle now did they?

DEATH:  Electrocution from disrupted instrument panels after being hit by Darth Vader’s laser cannons. His ship later hit the Death Star’s trench
wall and exploded.

QUOTE:  “The guns. They’ve stopped.”

It takes a real man to apologize, a real dead man.

NAME: Lorth Needa

HOME PLANET: Coruscant

RANK: Captain, Imperial Star Destroyer Avenger, Death Squadron

CAMPAIGNS SERVED: Clone Wars, Coruscant Defense, Hoth

HOBBIES: Apologizing, being honest, claiming responsibility

PERSONAL INFO: Captain Needa had an outstanding career and participated in several crucial battles during both the Clone Wars and the Galactic Civil War including the battle of Coruscant where his ship directly confronted and prevented the escape of General Grievous’ Invisible Hand, the ship that held then Supreme Chancellor Palpatine captive. Needa was awarded several commendations and awards for outstanding service and his family had a proud heritage of military service. Unfortunately for him, awards and clean records can’t capture renegade rebel starships, or even grant him enough prestige for an on-screen death.

DEATH: Force choked by Darth Vader Execution for treasonous acts against the Empire.

QUOTE: “I shall assume full responsibility for losing them, and apologize to Lord Vader.”

Dyer should have installed higher safety railings for the Endor bunker.

NAME: Dyer

HOME PLANET: Ralltiir

RANK: Colonel, Imperial Army, Stormtrooper Corps

CAMPAIGNS SERVED: Bestine IV, Deep Space, Endor

HOBBIES: Giving orders, building and subsequently guarding installations.

PERSONAL INFO: Colonel Dyer was never one to play sports as a child, growing up on Ralltiir he was often teased about his inability to catch.  Given the nickname “Lamproid hands” in school (because Lamproids have no arms) Dyer eventually escaped such ridicule by joining the Galactic Empire, where his harsh discipline and desire to prove himself allowed him to flourish as a commander of an Imperial Stormtrooper detachment.  He was eventually given the prestigious honor of constructing and maintaining the shield generator on the forest moon of Endor.

DEATH: Knocked over a railing when hit with a tool box thrown by rebel general Han Solo. Fell into the bunker reactor core and was subsequently killed.

QUOTE: “Freeze!”

Sith Lords only like useful cowards, not nay saying recreants.

NAME: Daultay Dofine

HOME PLANET: Neimoidia

RANK: Captain, Droid Control Ship Saak’ak, Trade Federation

CAMPAIGNS SERVED: Clak’dor VII Trade Riots, Naboo blockade

HOBBIES: Worrying, backstabbing, wringing his hands

PERSONAL INFO: Heralding from a well established family, the Dofine clan has held prominent positions within the forces of the Trade Federation for decades. Daultay used his connections and political scheming to attach himself to the fleet of Viceroy Nute Gunray. Dofine was ascending to a position of power within the Federation until his worrisome nature and fear of the supernatural powers of the Jedi got the best of him. Apparently Sith Lords don’t take kindly to being seen as powerless against the Jedi, who knew?

DEATH: After being dismissed from Gunray’s inner circle Daultay Dofine was killed aboard the droid control ship when it was destroyed by some
kid in orbit over Naboo.

QUOTE: “I’m not going in there with two Jedi. Send the droid.”

Corde' had the distinction of not being Natalie Portman, Keira Knightley, or Rose Byrne.

NAME: Corde’

HOME PLANET: Naboo

RANK: Handmaiden, Royal Security Forces

CAMPAIGNS SERVED: Naboo, Coruscant

HOBBIES: Wearing other people’s clothes, assuming identities, taking bullets, and feeling inadequate.

PERSONAL INFO: Although not officially members of the Naboo Royal Forces all handmaidens are trained in various small arms and hand to hand combat in order to protect the political figures they attend to. In the case of high-ranking leaders such as queens and senators that job description goes into working as public decoys. Some handmaidens assume the identity, characteristics, and mannerisms of those they are protecting, even impersonating their style of speech. Occasionally this of course means these decoys get snuffed by would-be assassins, which is somehow a failure on their part.

DEATH: Corde’ was killed in an explosion on a landing pad on Coruscant near the senate rotunda. The attack was aimed at Padme Amidala.

QUOTE: “I’m so sorry. I’ve failed you Senator.”

Don't talk to strangers kids, or people you know who suddenly have bloodshot yellow Sith eyes.

NAME: Sors Bandeam

HOME PLANET: Coruscant, Jedi Temple

RANK: Jedi youngling, Jakrab clan

CAMPAIGNS SERVED: Operation: Knightfall, Defense of Jedi Temple

HOBBIES: Coloring, tugging at heart-strings, naively trusting
others

PERSONAL INFO: Sors began his Jedi career as an infant. The majority of his early life was under the care and tutelage of the wise and powerful Master Yoda. Prior to the clone attacks on Coruscant Sors and his clanmates were beginning to learn about sensing the Dark Side and being aware of impending danger. Unfortunately they hadn’t completed that training module before the issuing of Order 66. When the chaos of the attack on the Jedi Temple started Sors and the other younglings of Jakrab clan were scooted off to the High Council chambers for safety, there only members of the Jedi Council would have access.

DEATH: Sors was brutally cut down with the rest of his comrades by the newly initiated Sith Lord, Darth Vader.

QUOTE: “Master Skywalker, there are too many of them! What are we going to do?”

     Well there you have it just a few of the nameless faces from the Star Wars saga I believe deserved some recognition.  Before anyone tries to start in on me, let me just say that I absolutely mean no disrespect to the real soldiers who have fought, and continue to fight, in wars around the world.  I am honored and have the greatest respect for the men and women of the United States armed forces and I don’t want anyone to accuse me of taking the Memorial Day holiday lightly, this is all in good fun.  I suppose you could say that I simply prefer my wars to be of the fictional variety where none have to actually die.  It’s nice to observe a struggle that I know has been choreographed purely for entertainment purposes and displays a black and white picture of good versus evil which simply doesn’t exist in the real world.

That is all!

Friday Funny Pages: Do You Even Need to Ask?

 

This week features the spirit of vengeance himself, Ghost Rider.  This panel is taken from the Howard Mackie/Javier Saltares/Mark Texeira run of Ghost Rider, collected in a trade titled Resurrected.  I’ve shown a couple other panels from this trade in past Friday Funny Pages, you might remember the one a few weeks back featuring infanticide?  Check the archives, you can’t miss it. 

This panel is just great, and the thing that makes it great is the exclusion of an exclamation mark and the inclusion of a question mark.  So simple and understated yet with a multitude of humorous possibilites.  What exactly is Ghost Rider questioning?  Is he putting forth the existential ponderance of “what is vengeance?”  or perhaps he’s asking “would you care for some vengeance?” maybe he’s questioning his role as a super hero “I deal in vengeance?” or it could be he just didn’t hear what someone said.  Whatever it is Ghost Rider is questioning this is just one of those panels that I would love to have on a shirt, or find some excuse to post in a forum as my only response to leave other readers dumbfounded.  If you are reading this I encourage you to find some excuse to use this image and deal out some “vengeance?” of your own!

That is all!

Friday Funny Pages: You Look Faaaabulous!

First off let me say happy April Fool’s Day!  Today is the day you can go out into the world and start punching people in the face or kicking them in the groin and as long as you yell “April Fools!” afterward it’s all okay, right?

Anyway, now let’s take a look at the great, great pair of panels we have here today.  This of course comes from the late, great Jack Kirby drawing one of the earliest Fantastic Four adventures.  What I find so hilarious about these panels is that in the first image he has just come up with this idea to make Alicia (his step-daughter) a doppelganger for the incapacitated Invisible Girl and mere “Minutes Later” he has been able to put together an FF uniform and a convincing blonde wig!  This of course implies that the Puppet Master’s mastery is not limited to puppets, but that he is also a master stylist and fashion designer as well!  If this super villain schtick doesn’t work out for you PM, you should think about opening a salon in Soho, those are very trendy at the moment.  Just saying, think it about it you sassy bitch! 

(Though it might help to cut back on the creep face while you have those scissors in your hands.)

That is all!

Friday Funny Pages: Dead Baby Jokes

     Here we are once again, another Friday and another goofball moment from the pages of some of my favorite comic books.  This weeks panels are a bit more morbid than last week.  Maybe my sense of humor is off but I just found these panels really funny, take a look.

     Oh my, indeed!  These panels come from issue #7 of the 90’s run of Ghost Rider, written by Howard Mackie and drawn by Mark Texeira.  In the issue there is actually a panel set between these two but I thought it’d be funnier just to show these two back to back and cut out the “One Hour Later” police scene.  Now maybe I’m just an awful person, but chalk outlines are funny to me, it’s just such a terrible idea.  How would you like to be the rookie cop who has to draw all those outlines?  And a baby chalk outline?  Well . . . .

     Anyway, in the issue the Scarecrow (Marvel’s version of course) escapes from the psyche ward and immediately starts killing people (as seen in the above panels) in order to draw the attention of Captain America.  Unfortunately for him, his spilling of innocent blood brings the Ghost Rider down on him, who beats him up a bit before impaling the Scarecrow on his own pitchfork.  At that his days of killing people and stuffing their bodies with straw are put to an end.  Or are they . . . .

Friday Funny Pages: Camelot

     Here is yet another comic book post from me this week!  Often times you can find some real zany panels throughout the pages of comic books, especially when they are taken out of context and shown by themselves.  That’s exactly what I have done here today.  I plan on making this a weekly segment of my blog, bringing you my favorite panels from the pages of various comic books that display quirky or funny scenes.  In fact it was this weeks panel which sparked this idea and sent me off on a hurried flip through my trades in search of other such gems!  Some that I’ve found aren’t funny, but more weird, others are creepy, and a couple aren’t limited to single panels but two or three that go together.  So there aren’t really any rules to this, I’m just going to be presenting panels that I like, but that’s not to say they will be panels that I think are “cool” with stellar art or “badass” depictions of the characters.  You get that all the time in comics, especially these days.  This segment is based purely on my goofball sense of humor, I’m looking for that certain whimsical ju nu se qua!  And some of the upcoming images I could imagine seeing as gifs in responses in forums, or maybe even one day as internet memes, oh to dream! 

Anywho without further ado, here we go!

   

     This panel comes from way back in Iron Man #149 during the epic and now legendary story arc where Dr. Doom and Iron Man get caught in an accidental activation of Doom’s time machine and get sent back to the age of King Arthur and Camelot where the two of them, of course, take up opposing sides in an ongoing struggle between the knights of the round table and the evil forces of Morgana le Fay.  It’s all collected in a trade simply called “Iron Man VS Dr. Doom” check it out if you’ve never read it. 

I don’t know if this panel was trying to go for some humor or not.  My guess is that it probably was, things weren’t always taken so serious back in the day.  Intentional or not it makes me laugh and goes well with my more serious discussion of the Arthur legends in my last blog entry!