Friday Funny Pages: This Is Why The Fantastic Four Movies Sucked

 

Answers at last to the nagging question of why the Fantastic Four movie and it’s sequel were train wrecks.  Namor the Sub-Mariner of course!  That dastardly demon of the deep was plotting yet another vile scheme!  This time his plan was to ensnare our heroes in a shitty movie deal, and keep them locked in so that they would be unable to rejoin the their friends in the unified Marvel Movie Universe, thus determining that they would never appear in a half way decent superhero movie!  But alas Prince Namor of Atlantis has not only struck this blow against the FF, but simultaneously trapped his rival, and occasional ally, Dr. Doom in this motion picture hell the likes of which is on par with that of Mephisto’s Realm!  Oh the horror!  The shame!  Is there nothing the Fantastic Four can do to escape this unspeakable prison?!?

Nope.  Probably not, there are hints of a Fox launched Fantastic Four reboot in the works, which means that Fox studios would be able to retain the FF rights for another decade or so.  By that time the chance for an FF flick from Marvel Studios and Disney may have come and gone, as much as I hate to say it the superhero movie craze can’t last forever and it might already be too late for Reed Richards and his cohorts.  Looks like we just have to chalk this one up to Namor, well played you water logged louse!

This panel of course comes from the earliest days of the Fantastic Four and was from one of their first few encounters with Namor the Sub-Mariner.  This issue was put together by the “My Two Dads” of many of Marvel’s characters, Stan Lee and Jack Kirby.  It’s funny to think that at the time of this issues writing the idea of a Fantastic Four movie was a gag, but now that it has become a reality it is even more of a gag.  Oh well, my motto is let’s see what the next one turns out like!  (Or something along those lines.)

That is all!

Friday Funny Pages: Tears Of Doom

This panel is ridiculous.

The image comes to us from a tribute issue focusing on New York city which Marvel released shortly after the attacks on the World Trade Center and collapse of the twin towers.  The profits of the book were donated to aid organizations and to support those brave men and women who scrambled through that wreckage to rescue victims trapped underneath.  It was a noble gesture on their part, afterall Marvel is the comics publisher of New York.  The city itself plays a huge role in many of the companies biggest titles.  Within the Marvel universe New York is featured prominently and its skyline has taken on a unique likeness within the comic book pages.  I still remember my very first trip to New York city and being slightly disappointed when I realized there wasn’t really a Baxter Building among the towering sentinels that lined the streets.  I didn’t expect to see a giant 4 crowning a skyscraper but the New York city of the comics is written and portrayed with such conviction and familiarity I was convinced it had to be based on a real building.

It was no surprise then that Marvel, like the rest of New York and the country as a whole, took the 9/11 attacks very personally.  It was an attack on one of their own, the assault of an old friend, but even so much more than that.  The tribute issue they put together was well written and full of some very important, noble sentiments.  How the heroes of real life were people who were brave enough to risk their own lives to save others, how super heroes can’t always save the day, and how tragedies like this effect not only the victims and their families but any human observer who has the capacity for compassion.  The terrorist attacks that took place on September 11th 2001 were a terrible marker in American history and that day and the lives lost in those tragedies should be observed with the utmost dignity and reverence.

Taking all of that into consideration let me return to this panel, and state again that it is ridiculous.  I don’t hold any ill will toward Marvel, I don’t think showing Dr. Doom standing at the edge of ground zero crying is in any way disrespectful.  I can see what they were trying to do by having a notorious villain cry at the seemingly random destruction that took place there.  What I’m saying is it just doesn’t make any sense.  First off during his career in the comics Dr. Doom himself has probably done more property damage to New York city.  Second Doom isn’t even a U.S. citizen!  In fact he is a tyrannical dictator of a small eastern European country which has, at best, shaky relations with the United States and at worst open hostility.  Third Dr. Doom is a callous, cold-hearted dude, who has made back alley deals, committed murder, assassinated leaders, and literally made pacts with the devil to gain the powers he has, it’s safe to say that Dr. Doom only cares about Dr. Doom.

What I’m getting at is that showing Dr. Doom standing and crying at the site of ground zero is just laughable!  They might as well have drawn Hitler there too with a tear in his eye.  (Dr. Doom has access to a time machine, so that would be plausible within continuity.)  Marvel has so many other villains within their universe that they could have used which would have made more sense, villains who actually call New York city their home, like the Kingpin or Doctor Octopus.  Dr. Doom though just doesn’t make any sense to me, but what do I know?  Perhaps the writing team was stepping out of their normal roles in light of the enormity and consequences of the events and were simply aiming to show iconic Marvel figures reeling from the damage done to our nation and her people.

Just remember this:  Despite his tears, Dr. Doom still hates you.  Yes, you.

That is all!

Friday Funny Pages: Has Anyone Seen Dr. Doom?

This has been a busy week for me, well I guess I should say it’s been a busy/lazy week for me.  My wife has been out of town the past few days so when I haven’t been busy doing something, I’ve made sure to be busy doing nothing at all.  I have sat in front of the television this week longer than I have in a very long time.  I’ve taken this opportunity to rewatch some Babylon 5, perhaps the best run of the show, the third season.  I’ve been alternating B5 DVDs with those of the the show Extras, starring Ricky Gervais.  It’s been a nice mix of dramatic sci-fi and uncomfortable humor.  All that being said I’ve been a bit lax on my blog posts this week, but fear not!  As you can see of course I did not forget about the Friday Funny Pages, and I already have a few blog ideas lined up for next week and, spoiler alert, I’ve been working on the last phase of the Terrordrome Renovation project!  So fear not loyal readers (reader), you’ll get your Wits fix, as I like to call it.

Anyway onto this panel from the classic Silver Age pages of the Fantastic Four.  Continuing our Dr. Doom theme this week brings us one of the earliest days of the bad doctor.  This of course is brought to us from the Mega Marvel Masters themselves Stan Lee and Jack Kirby.  I really enjoy this panel because it encapsulates so much of Dr. Doom’s personality in one little rectangle.  First off whenever Dr. Doom is looming around in an open doorway you know nothing good will come of it.  Many a brave soul have met there end after laying their eyes on such a scene.  Also I just really like his line here, “Did someone mention my name?”, every good villain has that line at some point and it shows how self centered they are and just how bloated their maniacal egos have become.  When not planning revenge based plots, or building evil robots Dr. Doom keeps an ear out for people talking about him.  Classic.  I love it.

This panel comes from an issue that is full of zany goof, Fantastic Four #10, The Return of Doctor Doom.  In the issue the story stops mid-way to cut to a scene of Stan Lee and Jack Kirby themselves, suffering from a bout of writer’s/artist’s block.  In a very meta-before-there-was-meta, style the two comic book creators are feeling somewhat at a lose chronicling the adventures of the Fantastic Four because several issues back Dr. Doom seemingly was launched into space and lost to the infinite void.  Recognizing Doom’s grand style of villainy Lee and Kirby feel there’s nothing exciting left for the FF to undertake and doubtlessly worry about sales dropping as the Fantastic Four fall into a peaceful life free of Dr. Doom.

Too bad that Doctor Doom was lost in space!”  Says Stan ‘the Man.’  “He was possibly the greatest villain of all!

Next to Stan Lee Jack Kirby ruefully sits at his drawing table, his face buried in his palms.

Yeah!”  Kirby adds.  “We sure can’t come up with a menace like him everyday!

And then, it happened!

That of course leads to Doom’s appearance.  Dr. Doom, under threat of death, forces Stan Lee to call Mr. Fantastic on the phone and ask him to come over to their studio to supposedly work out some plot details for an upcoming issue.  Of course when Reed Richards arrives, Dr. Doom is waiting for him with a gas gun of some kind and the whole plot of the issue takes off again.  Long story short Dr. Doom somehow joins the FF and Mr. Fantastic is the villain of the issue.  But what I really like about this issue is that within the universe, of the Marvel Universe Stan Lee and Jack Kirby are big enough properties that Dr. Doom would think to work them into his plans and Mr. Fantastic apparently drops whatever he’s working on to come over when they call.  Those guys are big shots!

Anyway, I need some coffee and a few more episodes of Babylon 5!

That is all!

Here's a little bonus for you, from the first appearance of Lee and Kirby! This issue is worth a fortune! A fortune I tells ya!

Friday Funny Pages: Camelot

     Here is yet another comic book post from me this week!  Often times you can find some real zany panels throughout the pages of comic books, especially when they are taken out of context and shown by themselves.  That’s exactly what I have done here today.  I plan on making this a weekly segment of my blog, bringing you my favorite panels from the pages of various comic books that display quirky or funny scenes.  In fact it was this weeks panel which sparked this idea and sent me off on a hurried flip through my trades in search of other such gems!  Some that I’ve found aren’t funny, but more weird, others are creepy, and a couple aren’t limited to single panels but two or three that go together.  So there aren’t really any rules to this, I’m just going to be presenting panels that I like, but that’s not to say they will be panels that I think are “cool” with stellar art or “badass” depictions of the characters.  You get that all the time in comics, especially these days.  This segment is based purely on my goofball sense of humor, I’m looking for that certain whimsical ju nu se qua!  And some of the upcoming images I could imagine seeing as gifs in responses in forums, or maybe even one day as internet memes, oh to dream! 

Anywho without further ado, here we go!

   

     This panel comes from way back in Iron Man #149 during the epic and now legendary story arc where Dr. Doom and Iron Man get caught in an accidental activation of Doom’s time machine and get sent back to the age of King Arthur and Camelot where the two of them, of course, take up opposing sides in an ongoing struggle between the knights of the round table and the evil forces of Morgana le Fay.  It’s all collected in a trade simply called “Iron Man VS Dr. Doom” check it out if you’ve never read it. 

I don’t know if this panel was trying to go for some humor or not.  My guess is that it probably was, things weren’t always taken so serious back in the day.  Intentional or not it makes me laugh and goes well with my more serious discussion of the Arthur legends in my last blog entry!